you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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