OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
