thus making me awesome and them whores
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
