I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
