I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
