i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize