Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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