i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
