hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
