At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize