i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
