Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
