Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
