Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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