Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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