so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize