i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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