I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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