So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
