God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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