so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
