just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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