y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
