Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
