just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
