Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
