"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
