Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
