my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
