I want to have your abortion
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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