Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
