I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
