the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
