batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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