we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
