it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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