found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
