you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
