Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
