ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize