I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
