I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so let's talk penis.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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