My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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