Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
