I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize