dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
