Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
