dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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