Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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