Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
