see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize