I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
