she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry about my life...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
