i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
