My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
