I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
