ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
