mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
