I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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