Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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