Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i think im in europe. pls send help
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
