So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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