Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
