How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
