its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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