apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
