remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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