You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
