You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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