he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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