the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
