You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
