go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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