Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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