I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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