i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
