You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
