I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
