I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
