my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
