Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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