Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
