you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my being single is dangerous.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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