We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
