yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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