I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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