If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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