last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
