My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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