I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
