so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
