It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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