So drunk its hurt
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
