fuck your aforementioned shoe
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
